On the 12th day of Christmas what did Laurel see.... twelve gifts for each boy, eleven pounds of turkey, ten days of kids off school, nine bags of groceries, eight loads of laundry, seven acts of singing, six cups of Rice Krispies, five cousins playing, four mall santas, three sleepyheads, two boys a wrestlin and a mouse running past the Christmas tree.
It is officially Christmas, and so this will be a short post! I have important things to do... opening boxes and playing with my kids!!
I got to watch my three little sonshines joyfully wake to a living room full of gifts and stockings filled!! This is MY gift this and every year.
I have moments where the "little girl" joy is so far removed from the season. I have to figure out how to make that switch still! Whether it be spiritual or otherwise, I am unsure how to make it feel whole. I have trouble with the holidays that I usually keep inside myself. I feel like one of those misfit toys, just "wrong" for not quite getting it. I feel very alone at this time of year, no matter who is around. I think it is not lonely so much as a disconneciton from what everyone else seems to get out of the holiday. I have had this for a number of years and do not know its origin. I know that I miss what I can never really have with my Dad and that I cannot get back some of the childhood magic that was once so meaningful to me. Whenever I feel disappointment, sadness, pressure or anxiety this Christmas, I need only recapture my beautiful Christmas morning memories. Joshua, Aidan, Colin, Jack and Michael were all happily involved in making my "grownup Christmas" a special and happy time. These are so precious, wrapped in gold. I am blessed for all I have in my home is all I need in this world. Merry Christmas.
1 comment:
Funny you should say... I, too, have this sense of unknown emptiness in the pit of my stomach at this time of year. Though there is nothing that quite beats the magical moments with kids, I always have this "feeling" that I cannot entirely grasp. It lies somewhere deep inside me and it needs to be soothed. I know some of it is my tendancy to think of those that may be alone at Christmas time because that in itself makes me feel just so sad for people who don't "belong" to anyone. I could wander the streets looking for these poor souls and take them home for the holidays. Well, we really are kindred spirits I think Laurel. Be well my friend and love to thee- always.
Post a Comment