what builds a character

In yesterday's parent teacher interview, I had a wonderful conversation with Josh's homeroom teacher. We were discussing once again how homework is something Josh avoids like the plague. He has had this pattern for years, and I am at a loss of how to "make" him do it! As I thought, his teacher said that Josh's average marks are very much a reflection of his average efforts. He is really capable of better.
But we turned a slight corner with one comment he made to me. He let me know what a great kid Josh was in all the years he has worked with him and he said "You know what Mrs. Whalen, Josh is morally so strong and character is something that cannot be taught. His character is a credit to you and your parenting."
Wow! What a great thing for a teacher to say, I felt so proud of Josh!! I felt so proud of me too!! I got to thinking about what has built his character and it is in part due to me but it stretches beyond that too. I am a firm believer that it takes a village to raise a child, and being on my own in Josh's early years this was most definitely true!!
The foundation was set with this child choosing me as his mother and turning one girl and her cat into a family! It took off with much exposure to a big and happy family. A family that encouraged him to grow into the fine young man before us now. He listened in to many an old story and observed all of those who loved him most doing their best, struggling at times, growing and changing and always sticking together.
Being the first grandchild, Josh had oodles of times with his Grandma and Grandpa, and these are still two of the greatest influences in his life. Josh feels he is important to them (and I know he is) Trips, and sleepovers, making him eat his veggies, heart to hearts, cooking lessons and knowing his special place with them has formed his character.
A special bond with aunties and uncles have also brought so much to his young life! He was so proud to be in his Auntie's wedding and had some particularly strong messages for his Uncle Craig to take good care of her! What would him and I have done without Auntie Carrie and Uncle Shawn stepping up to live with us each for their time and take care of Josh while I worked. They parented as much as I did in those days! I am so grateful for their dedication to him. His bond with them is lasting because he knew how much they cared! Walking him to school, reading stories with him for his book club, cleaning his vomit off the stairs, and many of squishing hugs. Uncle Aub is A#1 in Josh's eyes, one of his favourite people to be around, mostly for his tireless and loving support with Hockey. He knew just what Josh needed in his life, stepped up and is a wonderful role model. Josh has learned about love from miles away with his relationship with Auntie Krystal. The time we went out to Benito is something he still talks about to this day. Winnipeg is where he has said he wants to travel to most in the world! This says something. Josh has also had the joy of welcoming new aunties and uncles into his life through marriage. He has learned that families grow and we lovingly accept people into our fold with new possibilities for close friendships.
Josh has welcomed many cousins into his life and I know that he will have lifelong friendships with them. He thinks nothing of getting down to play with these kids who are younger than him or even girls!! He loves them so much. Great grand parents, many extended family members are all included here too.
Playdates and sleepovers and time out at some of Mommy's friends homes, developing some of his own lifelong friendships, time at Liz's daycare, church congregations, hockey coaches and some of his wonderful teachers were all part of the mix as well! I did not raise this child alone!
The term single parent did not quite apply to me. Josh has had Mike in his life for so many years. Years before his brothers came along, Mike was a friend to him. He did not try to be a father but that is what he was in so many ways. Josh talks to Mike about things he does not even talk to me about and Mike does not steer him wrong. Their relationship is one of the most consistent in his life and so I must give props to Michael for showing Josh commitment and love for the past nine years. He loves him like his own children, if anyone asked him, he has three sons.
Having Aidan and Colin in his life has had to be the ultimate contribution to his character. Having brothers and sisters myself, I know the value! He gives to them and teaches them and cares for them. As a big brother, Josh feels similar feelings of a parent and has grown as a person as a result. Amazing! He fights with them, and gets frustrated at what they do but loves no one in the world more! They are lucky to have him in their lives! He is in turn building their characters. The world goes round and round for sure.
Character is also built with negative experiences in life. Josh in his short lifespan has had his share. He has faced loss, abandonment, change, fear and doubts as we all do. He has learned to live within his means, go without, and share what he has with others. Josh has learned not to personalize the lackings of others and learn from his own mistakes. He has many interests, is active and chooses the right kids to call friends!
This may be a bit of a gloat session but mostly it is a thank you. To all of you out there who have been there for Josh and for those who have helped me. You can bet that a little of you is in that sweet boy of mine!
Now, does anyone know how to get a 13 year old boy to do his homework?