frenz4life

My friend Ann has been on my mind. This month she would be 34 years old but sadly she passed away last month. Far too soon to leave those who loved her.
She was my friend from the age of 12 and I have so many years of our memories. For that I am grateful. Usually just hanging out, partying, getting into trouble and having fun as teenagers do, but there was much more to our friendship. We also shared some life altering, very real moments where we were able to connect as girls coping and sometimes struggling in our life challenges. I chose my career path in my early teens due to my exposure to some of her life experiences. I knew I wanted to help people in some meaningful way. Ann believed in me and even when academics were not foremost in her mind, she encouraged me to keep at it. I still have a good luck charm she gave me once when she came into town during my exams. I guess she knew I needed something extra for that math test!!
We lost touch, lived different lives in different cities and still when we would reconnect our bond was present. As years passed the distance grew, we went in different directions but still I cared about her wellbeing. I knew one day we would connect again. There was never any bad blood between us; just circumstances.
She was one of those people who attracted attention. Like a shining star, energy invoked you with her mere presence. She was vibrant, funny, curious, loving, sensitive, loyal and had big dreams. Ann was creative and expressed this in many ways. She was a rare girl who loved to be photographed (and was so photogenic). She dabbled in design and had a good eye in those regards. She loved children. Ann unfortunately had only a few short months with her own child. She stood up for herself and others. One of my strongest memories was of her letting my exboyfriend really have it for the way he had treated me. Did he not realize how wonderful I was, and that I was worthy of being worshipped, were her words! To her I was a queen. She put me on a pedastel like no one had before and I loved her for that. She made me feel good about me, but that was not what made her my friend.
I think I took on a bit of a big sister role in her life. I was a year older and she thought I knew it all. Being a little less impulsive than she, I could also keep her on the straight and narrow at times. Although, it did go the other way too! She never judged me!
Ann moved back to my city and we had opportunity to chat a few times. She was happy to hear of the work I was doing and thought I must be good at my job. She felt someday she might benefit by going to such a place. I let her know that when she is ready, there would be many places wanting to help her. I did not judge her then, I owed her that.
I have some grapevine knowledge of her last few months and know that we were so very close to being in touch again. We really got so close once and my feelings, fear, propriety, mixed it self into the mix and we never did get to talk. Today, I regret my choices here, even if they were the right thing to do. I will always wonder if I could have helped her. I never got to explain this to her. If I could tell her anything and have her hear me it would be that Ann in some ways you saved me, just like you think I always helped you. We always said we would be friends for life and you were a true, true friend, I love you and wish you peace.