I forgot to do this last week!! Good habits take some time to establish, I suppose! This week I am choosing to list ten ways I show my children that I love them!
1. Set boundaries and be consistent with them. I believe that all children really do want to be told what they can and cannot do, what is acceptable and not, they crave the limitations that allow them to feel safe... making these limits age appropriate shows them along the way that I trust them.
2. So, trust them to make some of their own decisions. Right from the toddler stages I try to give them some leeway in the areas that are possible to make their own choices. choosing what to have for breakfast is one simple area that Aidan can be in charge of... just as long as he has breakfast!This can be harder to do as they grow! My trust in Josh is there but the letting go aspect comes in as well!
3. Be there, sometimes with advice, some times just in silence.... let them know I will always be there! This is ongoing, I do not think it ever stops when you become a parent! I know I still want to know my Mom is there! I had to be sure to determine what was necessary... talky talky or just a glance or a hug, with all that Josh has gone through with his father. Him knowing that I am always going to be there will give him the ability to make the decision to ask for what he needs when he needs it! And look at little Colin, he is happy just to know I am in the room these days!
4. Find what is special about them and praise and call attention to their uniqueness! In a house of 3 boys no one wants to be "left behind". At any age! I learned this from my Mom... your children can feel special if they just be told that they are, and they need us to point that out! Skating with Josh and Aidan, it was necessary to remind Aidan what a good swimmer that he was, so Josh is great on ice and Aidan can swim better than Josh... even steven! At 6, this really is enough, especially when all he wants is to do whatever his brother can!
5. Take an interest in what is important to them. Would I endure years of watching WWE otherwise? hehee, or would I be able to tell the difference between a youngling, patewan, and master if the Jedi Force was not crucially important to my being able to converse with my children?! Probably not. I find a way to afford hockey season and all the rest because they love it so much! They in turn do feel special that I have taken their interest on!
6. Be a mother, do the "mother-y things". Wash their clothes, scrub their backs (until they prefer to do it themselves, lol), pack their lunches, tell them to wear their boots, kiss their forehead.... doing all of the things that everyone thinks a mom does! I have mentioned to Aidan that even when I know he can do some things himself... I enjoy some of the tasks because they are "love jobs", when I fold their laundry, I see them and how they are growing, I build my piles... for each of them and see how lucky I am to be able to do these tedious things!
7. Play and giggle with them! Be silly, have inside jokes, know their sense of humour, get down and be a kid again. This is one of my favourite ways to be... letting loose and showing them that we can always find our joy! Knowing that dry sarcasm is Josh's thing, silly acting is Aidan's thing and just saying no, makes Colin laugh at ya! In this house of boys potty humour tops all and nothing is funnier than a naked boy running around when he is supposed to be getting a diaper change. We all get a good laugh out of that!
8. Be their teacher, even if they like the ones at school better! Learning opportunities are presented by the handfuls each and every day. I love how the natural progression of the content as they learn and grow. Just a quick reflection of the curriculum yesterday... conversations have included discussing homophobia with Josh (and why someone who is gay may not feel comfortable to say so), how to load a dishwasher with Aidan and what makes the dishes get clean, and blue, red, yellow, eyes, nose, mouth with Colin!! If I had to stay in that repetitive, "eyes, where's your eyes, nose..." I might be a little looney by now but it moves and before you know it you are having very adult conversations that can form your child's very values!
9. Take care of me! As I have said so many times before if I lose myself.... my kids have lost too! I do this in a number of ways. Getting out without them, treating myself too, exploring my interests, hiding up in my room on occasion, whatever it may be! I learned a long time ago, after years as a single parent that I should never feel guilty for this... I have never put my needs ahead of theirs when they clearly needed me but man, having Mike here on a fulltime basis, this is the best part... getting those breaks!
10. Tell them with words!!! I can show them my love each and every day and this all counts but what they want is to hear that I love them. They want to hear how proud they make me feel. They want to hear that I have missed them. They want to hear that they did a good job. They want to hear that my life is better because of them. They want to hear that nothing can make me stop loving them. They want to hear how I think God blessed me with the most special children ever. That is their right to hear those things.
2 comments:
You teach me new things about motherhood everyday Laurel, thanks for that, I sometimes forget the little things and take my kids for granted...I guess we all do sometimes. i think I may copy this and post it on my fridge so I can remind myself of all the things I do for them and for some of the things I need a little work on! love Kryt
you sometimes take my breath away with your wisdom. I, too, think I will print this off to remind me of all the ways I can love my son. You really should consider going farther with your words of wisdom- perhaps I will be attending your book signing event one day!
Love, Beav
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