I am having a pity party today and anyone who is willing to let me whine a little is welcome to come! I have tears tucked away, not feeling safe to let them out just yet, maybe later when everyone is sleeping.
Schizophrenia.... a serious thing. We were perhaps kidding ourselves, we were more likely just thinking it was time for us to enjoy a break from such seriousness. Life has been great. It will continue to be, I know but we have been served a big dose of reality.... some illnesses do not go away.
It has been so happy in our home these last couple of months. We have all been feeling so clear and connected. Mike stopped taking his medication. Denial, perhaps, but we were certain the stoprm had passed. Distraction, disturbing thoughts slowly returned. We now know better. A lesson has been learned. Luckily for all, we caught on quickly and before things got too out of hand.
I am sad. I am scared. I do not want to lose the best part of my love to mental illness or to tranquilizing medications. Rock and a hard place to say the least! I will catch on to the hope. I will turn over this rock to find much life. But not today. Today I am choosing to experience the hurt.
3 comments:
Laurel,
most illnesses do not go away and unfortunately, mental health stuff is the one that everyone tries to "get rid of" and "deny" when they begin to "feel better"... I am using quotes because in my own experiences with depression, I try to escape the reality that it is here to stay. I sometimes wish my brain were wired differently but we have to make do. Though it seems like a set-back, let it be a lesson for both of you... try to keep life as stable as possible with healthy lifestyle choices, proper rest, medication and good supports! My prayer tonight is for Mike to return to wellness quickly! My hubby suddenly stopped taking his meds for a physical problem he is managing with and nearly put himself in the hospital. It is very frustrating when life is going well and you want to keep it that way!!! Know I am here and love you!!
I know you must be hurting Laurel and I can only imagine how Mike must feel...but remember he loves you and you love him. You now both know that taking a break from meds is not a good option. Now move on and keep going forward, you will get out of this rut. I love you and if you need anything I'm here!love kryt xo
hi
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