Ch-ch-ch-changes

My mom, who had five children herself, would still laugh at the statement I made when I was pregnant with Joshua, oh so long ago. At age 22, I felt sure that my life was my own and I mistakenly believed (and actually said aloud for Mom and stepdad, Wayne to hear) that "becoming a mother would not change me". I have continually had to admit myself wrong here.(and those who know me best can attest this is not easy for me) You see, at 22 I still thought my mom did not know it all and so how could she think that JUST having a baby would change my life? Just because it changed her, and my stubbornness thought... I'd show her! hehee, the laugh was definitely on me.
Now, I think back to the young, naive woman I was, aaww, that really was cute. I was so determined to hold on to Laurel as I knew her. I was the first of my family and friends to venture into this new world and I guess my fierce determination could now best be described as a really good front for how scared I was of the changes that were ahead for me.
Oh, how motherhood changed me! And thank God for that too!
I was not a bad person by any means but lived a little on the fringes, I had some self destructive patterns that brought their own lessons in time of course, but when I thought I was so grown up, I was really playing house, playing grown up! This definitely changed.
Being on my own with a little boy all perspective shifted. I learned that he needed me to be more than I even knew I was, he depended on that! A good little boy with the eyes of an angel, all I had to do was love and nurture him for the rest of his life. This in itself.... the easy part!!! I loved him and my other children beyond expression the moment I saw them. I knew about nurturing too, a big sister, I was always able to pull this off without any difficulty. This seemed too easy.
The fact of the matter was that I would now live as a changed person for the rest of my days, even long after my boys leave home (although they sometimes say they will never leave). I have a different rule book with which to guide my little team. I did not know this rule book existed when I was just me. I will share these rules and what I learn through them in the upcoming posts... I have to go now, a baby wants to get fed!(let's call that rule number one).