Change brews from within

I am open... I am moving with change. It is so unlike me... but it feels so good.

We moved a few months ago. I think that my heart started that process many months before... home did not feel quite like home anymore. My family was there... my memories very vivid and alive... but I dreaded to be in that space. To say I outgrew it is an understatement. I felt trapped and ugly and miserable in those walls. So hard to describe how that happened. When I was there I longed to be out... spent most of my weekends off trotting to wherever me and the kids could go in a day.

I knew that I needed to find surroundings that filled me with peace. I knew it was more of what was happening on the inside than the outside but I felt that change would help me. At the same time I felt guilty... this was my children's home. This was their entire lives... and so I waited. Then a few months ago I decided that I had the faith in them... had equipped them with the ability to change (they just had not had the need to flutter those wings often). I knew that they were losing a part of me... as serenity is such a great companion for a mother.

Did I delay? Nope... I dove recklessly into a new life!!! And thank God I did!

I say reckless... because I just went for it. My own timeline, without knowing if I could finance the move at that certain time... wow, how alive it felt to risk... and find the pay off I was needing.

So in a new neighbourhood, but a very comforting part of the world... I sit in my home and really feel I am home. I think my entire family is good for the change. There have been some small challenges to face... but I do not feel the urge to run... or to hide.... come knock on my door... I would love the company!!