Serenity Now

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I have recited that prayer far too often with the monotony of blah blah blah.. just words we would say to end our meetings, to offer some peace... Funny how we can lose touch with meaning with some things that are just too typical in our lives. I need to take these words in to my heart.
I think I live this way... most of the time... and have tasted serenity... so much to know that I want it in my life!! I am aware of the things I cannot change (not to say it does not piss me off that I am powerless every now and again).
I live in courage... do not doubt this about myself. And I have done some work at changing the things I can... yay for me... I can do MY part to change what is needed in my life. I am looking at the next level... how to change some of the ways I can change the impact on myself of those I cannot change... who do not see that they have to change. I am beyond frustrated here.
So let me unravel a little... because, my word... the gloves were off this weekend and I was ready to have at a couple of people... would not have been pretty!!!
I am in the midst of supporting my husband in getting well. I embrace this role. I am his partner... for life. Where else would I be... but supporting him! I have taken a great deal of this on myself for many years. And with the delicacy of his illness... it has not always been productive.... but we are making headway... he is NOW accepting the help he needs. (So proud of him!!) So why... why... why... do people who I know love him... not do what they need to equip themselves to be a support to him too. Ugh!!! It is mindblowing to me. Educate and become aware... DO SOMETHING!!!! And when it does not happen... why do I keep setting myself up by ever expecting it to happen. Come on girl! You know better. Denial is very real here. These are folks who are not well. Not really bad people... but caught up in stuff that runs deeper than just M's issues. Confusion and lack of awareness of so many dynamics are at play... and I STILL want this to change. I am sad for him. I guess I am sad for me too. Here I am... still alone in this quest for him.
So while I have the serenity sometimes... and the courage always.... where do I get a grasp on that wisdom... to know the difference.
I wonder if I am venting my circle to death. If they are tiring of the same stuff I am seething over... of the same tears and fears. I think I have decided that I will head up to the Family Support Group next week, hope it is the 3rd Tuesday like I think it is. Send me strength or any advice you can... and btw... the email I got from my dear friend yesterday... helped tremendously!! (hugs to Beav)