The Science of Siblings

Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us

about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring;

 quite often the hard way. ~Pamela Dugdale

Watching your children's socialization is quite like observing a science experiment. There is considerable impact with environment, pressures, change of ingredients. As parents, we like to think we determine the entire outcome with our skill... but like the scientist... it is more like we are learning along the way, testing our theories and revamping our techniques to adjust here and there. We could think that we have as much power to churn our little beings into mini versions of our ideals... but they are their own spiritual and emotional entities... and so, each of their personalities plays into the mix too. So... the outcome stands to be different each and every time! Consider that if one child is like an experiment, what the impact of a sibling is bound to be.

The dynamic of sibling relationships is something I have always been so intrigued by. I can remember writing a paper in college on this area, interviewing my own siblings and gathering data from a broad spectrum of families. I remember getting a pretty good mark on that paper as well... I was really invested in what I was learning!

My mom grew up as an only child. She will be the first to say that some of her habits and personality traits developed in not having siblings. Difficult to know how she may have been different growing up in the mix of other children but I know having a large family herself, we gave her a very different experience than she could relate to from her childhood. 

I am the oldest of five children. Five of us born within seven years. Seldom do I recall a childhood memory that does not involve at least one of my siblings. They are an intricate part of my story... main ingredients in the science experiment of me who each affected my environment significantly. This is a huge part of who I am as a woman. Birth order also plays a significant role, but that is another topic. So, we were a tight bunch. Still are. And my brothers and sisters are amazing people who I know are all in their own ways, extensions of me. I know some families who grow up with their siblings and are not close... which goes to show one of the differentials in said experiment. Again, so interesting to me.   

I recall those times when I was annoyed with one or more of my little followers that I would imagine... life being so much better, easier, happier if I were an only child. Natural childlike thinking, after all, it is such an egocentric stage in our development, but today... I just could not imagine. Of course, there were rivalries, fights and some really nasty ones too. The full range of what we experience in any relationships... and of course, those would be some of the pressures that again, impact the experiment.

Watching my boys this morning is what got me thinking along these lines. Aidan and Colin in their love/hate dance.... all within a 10 minute time frame. It is like deja vu. I observe them in their relationship, and Josh is a part of that mix too of course... and it just makes my knowing heart smile. Here they are, reacting and shifting through a dynamic experiment, of what happens when these children are plunked together and made to live through it! A little support from me, some strategies, some encouragement is sometimes needed. Sometimes, I just need to tune them out and let them work it out on their own. This is the reward for us scientists. I mean parents. Once we have employed strategies to assist these ingredients, I mean siblings... we can once in awhile test out our theories... and see how they are developing on their own.

I observed Aidan and Colin battling it out for upwards of an hour, bickering, tattling and just being underhanded and "unbrotherly". I did nothing but give a couple of all knowing glances in their direction. (Sometimes more is required, but did not get there today) And then... before I knew it... they were huddled together and have been playing like best brothers for as long as I have been typing this post.

This is the best form of short term memory loss... that allows siblings to just move on, to the love!